**Warning: this is a rant and might have some colorful language. If that's not your bag, please don't read.**
Dear Cashier at (insert your local grocery, big box, department, pharmacy, home maintenance, mom-n-pop, roadside shack store),
Is it possible that just once you will ring up my shit and put it in a bag without:
a. taking 20 minutes to ring each item;
b. asking me why I'm buying said item(s); AND/OR
c. analyzing my child and what he does or does not do?
Is it possible for you to just ring up the items I've decided to purchase with my money and put them in the bags I brought with me?
Is being super chatty, judgmental, and extremely nosy in the job description?
Is there a reason you are asking me why I am buying more than one of the same item?
Do you really need to how I plan to cook the pork chops I got from the meat department?
Do you really think it's kind to say to me "Oh, he (meaning Owen) should be talkin' by now. What's wrong with him?"
Are you really that f***ing clueless, cashier?
"OMG, you're right! I had no idea that he couldn't talk! Shit, I'm a horrible mother for not noticing this sooner! Someone should lock me up and throw away the key."
Is ANY of this your business? (And if you're unsure, the answer is a big, fat NO.)
Now I know someone out there is going to say, oh well they're just trying to make conversation and be nice. Being nice in this situation is:
"Hi. How you are today?"
"Would you like your milk in a bag?"
"Do you need any help out to the parking lot?"
"Here's your receipt. Have a great day."
That's it. That's all that's called for. I don't need someone to ask me about my cake recipe, my need to buy foot powder, or why my kid won't tell her how old he is--and he will tell you if he knows you and guess what cashier person? HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU.
So, please, cashier person, keep your comments to yourself. Go laugh at my purchases with your friends or write about it in your special diary or chat with your co-workers during your lunch break.
For my part, I promise not to take forever to hand over my coupons, to swipe my credit card while you're quickly ringing everything up, and to say thank you and hustle on my way.
And you cashier person: just leave me and my kid the hell alone and put my craptastic purchases in the damn bags.
A tired, enraged shopper who just doesn't have time for your shit any more